The Legacy of the Magical Mariachi Squirrel
by Wafia Primo
Summary: Happy Birthday, Meagan, and sorry if this is overly late. To find the magic unicorn that grants friendship and wishes, a few selected Wafia members go through hell seeking it. Crack fic.


**Unicorns are awesome, especially when they are all on fire.**

**(~o.o)~ Fusion ~(o.o~)**

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><p>James was lying in the hospital in a full body cast, while Chiara was practicing her accupuncture skills.<p>

"MMMPHARRRFAAAAA!" James struggled to make a coherent sentence.

Pausing, she looked at him. "What was that?"

"AHGAAAAHFOOOOORF! MMMFAAAAA!" The visible portion of his face was turning a deep shade of purple.

Chiara sighed and removed a needle that was situated on his nose.

James let out a sneeze that opened a wound on his side.

Sighing again, nurses and doctors were called over to tend to the reopened cut.

The nature of the injury itself was very strange.

A doctor in the United States was stumped as he popped bottles of Vicodin.

"This doesn't make sense... An unidentified substance was found on the wound that shined more than sweet starlight."

Popping a new substance, he continued reading the report.

For a short period of time, it appears the patient was bleeding rainbows and buttercups...

Finishing another crate of painkillers, he limped away to find Wilson and steal his cookies.

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><p>(A few weeks ago...)<p>

It was a dark, and rainy afternoon and the thunder was flirting with lightning in the sky.

I was watching my sister play Super Paper Mario and decided that there weren't enough rainbows.

One of the best rainbow inducing organisms are unicorns.

Hearing this, Joyce suggested I summon one and take it with me wherever I go.

"It'll poo sherbert and spread happiness!" In the background, Mario was getting his ass kicked by a Chain Chomp.

I frowned at my sister. "Happiness... Sure..."

* * *

><p>Finding unicorns are tricky business. "Crazy lady, you have to wave the otter like THIS!"<p>

Gokudera demonstrated by waving a cheeselog in a complicated pattern.

Not caring too much, Isabella knocked Gokudera out and took his instruction book.

"... Getting an otter and a 20 karat diamond is the easy part, but where am I going to get a 'normal' conversation topic?"

Isabella then went to the Himalayas to try to find the meaning of a normal conversation topic.

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><p>Nancy shuffled a pile of papers on her desk. "Now that Isabella is MIA in Asia, what are we going to do now?"<p>

I finally decided to use the machine I have been building for months.

"Nancy, I need to borrow the pool. Can you fill it with cold water for me?"

Nancy raised an eyebrow. "Does this pertain to fetching the unicorn?"

I nodded. "And I need Verde to do some calculations for me."

Nancy raised her other eyebrow. "Unicorn?"

I nodded once more. "A thousand times over."

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><p>"Dammit, why did we have to build such stranger stairs to get to the pool?"<p>

I was in the process of climbing a gigantic block tower that reached far above the Wafia mansion.

It was a puzzle everytime, and I was getting tired of these damn block puzzles.

"Fucking blocks, I am going to climb THE SHIT out of you!"

Once I reached the top, I had the secret machine set up.

Before I continue, there is something I must tell everyone.

If you launch a platypus at the sky and it reaches the necessary altitude, it shall start galloping and turn into a wonderous creature called the unicorn.

It shall then plunge back to the earth and upon hitting the ground burst into flames and turn into an even more wonderful and exotic creature called the Phoenix.

We don't need the phoenix, but we certaintly do need the unicorn.

I prepared the poor little platypus and gently put him inside the cannon.

It made many anxious chittering sounds. "Don't worry, little platypus. Soon you shall be a beautiful unicorn!"

* * *

><p>(3 painful and fiery hours later...)<p>

When Dino came up to see if Enzo was there, his jaw dropped.

"Jenny, is that a UNICORN?" His eyes were all sparkly, more sparkly than Skip Beat or Vampire Knight.

Gokudera suddenly dropped out of the sky. "Uuuuuuunicorn?" The combined sparkle of the two outshined the Queen of Fairys.

Edward huffed and flew off while Bella chased after him with a butterfly net.

"WAIT FOR ME EDWARD DEAAAARIE!"

Gokudera hissed at the name. "Dracula shouldn't get his name as a vampire tarnished by a wuss who can't even take care of his own skin."

Dino was already petting the glorious creature.

"I think... I want to name you Apple Thompson..." I sweat dropped at the suggestion, but the unicorn seemed to like that name so I didn't protest.

"Dino, have you found Enzo yet?" He shook his head and Apple Thompson pointed his horn towards the lake.

He mindspoked in everyone's head. _"My friends, the turtle you are seeking is in another castl- body of water. If I bring you there you can get to him before destruction happens."_

The three of us somehow managed to fit on the back of one unicorn, who then created a rainbow path of friendship down to the lake.

And for the first time, Dino managed to prevent a catastrophe with his turtle.

"What are we going to do now, Jen?" The unicorn already knew the answer.

_"We have a birthday BBQ to attend, and I intend to crash it with my rainbows and promises of stars."_

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><p>Somewhere in wherever, Meagan was enjoying a mango slush while her family tended the fire.<p>

James then flew in on a flying squirrel styled contraption, and asked for a pair of scissors.

THEN, the three of us flew in on a unicorn.

_"So, THAT is the lucky birthday girl. Alright kid, you get one free wish and ride."_

Meagan looked up at the unicorn, and looked back at her mango slush. "Later, I need to finish this."

James took one glance at the unicorn, and proceeded to... Well... Do what a James does.

"The rent is too damn high and I don't regret it!"

He then ripped off the unicorns horn.

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><p>What he didn't know was that when you rip off the magical horn of a unicorn, a plethora of weapons grow in its place.<p>

So, there was a heat seeking missle that blew up all his defenses, a doberman that ate his jacket...

A pendulum torture device that involved touching one of Justin Beiber's hair to the torso...

And in all, James suffered a severe injury and started bleeding rainbows.

After seeing this, Meagan decided her wish.

"A magical squirrel that sings mariachi music and eats eggplant parmesan!"

* * *

><p>After returning home from the dastardly mission of unicorn, I see Apple Thompson on the couch next to Dino.<p>

"Dino, why does he have my spot on the couch?"

"Its not what it looks like, dear! Honest!" SLAP.

"Rule #534 of Marriage, don't put ANYTHING on my couch space."

For the next few months, he slept on the large and fancy porch.

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><p>"A la orilla de un palmar yo vide a una joven bella Su boquita de coral Sus ojitos dos estrellas."<p>

The squirrel shook his mini marachas and twitched his little sombrero.

Meagan petted her new squirrel lovingly.

"Best. Squirrel. EVER. Yamamoto, don't you even THINK of taking MY magic squirrel!"

KABOOM~

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><p><strong>I KNOW I am really late at getting this published, but the daycare had me in for a few extra days, and the school was rearranging my schedule like crazy.<strong>

**But finally, I have completed this, much to my shame. **

**Sorry Meggie, I meant for this to be much better D:**


End file.
